Have you ever tried to resolve something important only to have your concerns ignored or outright dismissed? You’re not alone! In these situations, many people default to unhelpful responses such as speaking out in anger, giving up or concluding that these concerns aren’t important after all. But that’s not the way forward. In this article, I want to focus on something that comes up a lot in my coaching work; why it’s essential for professionals to learn how to advocate for themselves in their personal and professional lives and how to do that in a relationship-affirming way.
What is self-advocacy?
Self-advocating is about standing up for ourselves, whether it’s asserting our needs with a partner, negotiating with an employer, voicing concerns at the doctor’s office or engaging with the community. When we advocate for ourselves effectively, we create possibilities and shift perspectives instead of staying in catabolic energy, which is negative or destructive.
I encourage all of my coaching clients to master the skill of self-advocacy because it’s so helpful when it comes to building relationships and taking charge of health outcomes and career paths.
The importance of self-advocacy in healthcare
If you’ve been reading my articles or listening to the WIL Talk Podcast, you know my story. I kept my foot on the gas in all areas of my life, but especially at work and eventually, my body said, “No,” and illness forced me to slow down and recuperate.
So, when I hear about people, but especially women, bringing concerns to their healthcare providers and being dismissed, it resonates with me. But instead of getting mad (okay, it still makes me mad), I help people navigate this situation so they can get the care they need.
Imagine going to the doctor because you can’t sleep, you’ve gained weight and you can no longer focus at work, and your doctor says, “That’s peri-menopause,” and ushers you out the door, with or without a prescription. You either speak up, get a new healthcare provider or accept that nothing can be done, because the expert in the white coat told you so.
But you’re the expert of YOU. When something isn’t right, it’s reasonable to expect care from your medical team. But the healthcare system is often overwhelming (for your doctor too) and it’s up to all of us to learn how to navigate it effectively because that’s the only way to get the help we need. And, as someone who lost their health for too long, I can confirm that health is wealth.
Story time: At the doctor’s office with my mother, the zombie
My mom has white coat hypertension. This looks like high blood pressure to the doctor, so my mom was prescribed blood pressure medication. If you take medication to lower your blood pressure when your blood pressure is normal, it turns you into a zombie, dead tired all the time.
So, I used my advocacy skills with my mom. We drove to the doctor, doing relaxing breathing exercises, with the hope of preventing the white coat hypertension. As soon as the nurse said it was time to take her blood pressure, my mom got nervous. I kept breathing with my mom and asked the nurse to use the manual blood pressure machine, because the automatic one hurts my mom’s arm. She did and my mom’s blood pressure was normal.
About this good news, the doctor said, “It’s normal because of her multiple blood pressure medications.” I took a deep breath myself and said, “My mom’s quality of life is terrible. She’s essentially a zombie; she gets up, gets dressed, walks to the couch and falls asleep. What kind of life is that?”
The doctor was taken aback and said, “You’re right.” With this advocacy approach, we got to the real issue in a respectful way and fixed the problem. (Now my mom has enough energy to give me heck about calling her a zombie in public!)
Self-advocacy at work: Who’s shaping your career?
In the workplace, self-advocacy is vital for carving out your own career path, rather than going with whatever someone else has in mind. Without self-advocacy, even the most talented professionals are overlooked for promotions and/or new opportunities.
By consistently advocating for yourself at work, you build credibility and visibility within your organization, which puts you in a better position to know about growth opportunities and put yourself forward for them.
The main element of self-advocacy at work is communication. Are you regularly communicating your achievements, skills and career aspirations with the right people? When you’re not in the room, are other people advocating on your behalf? If not, they probably don’t know what to say and it’s your job to make sure they know what to say about you.
To improve your self-advocacy skills, I recommend:
- Maintaining a Brag Bag: This is a list of five to 10 recent achievements and/or contributions that you have memorized, which allows you to share them easily. Keeping this list up-to-date helps you stay focused on what’s going well and makes it easy to provide concrete examples to support your case when talking about promotions or raises.And when you share these accomplishments, you enable other people to talk about you when you’re not around.
- Using “I” statements wisely: While it’s important to communicate your achievements, don’t do this at the expense of others who have helped you. If it’s a team effort, say so! For example, you could say, “I’ve led this team to consistent results over the last X months/years, etc.” Or “Our team was able to achieve X, and my role in that was…”
- Shifting out of the negative: We all tend to go to the negative, which can be a hard habit to break. Instead, focus on what’s working well and how you can replicate those successes in other areas.
- Preparing for pushback: You might face resistance as you practice self-advocacy, as it’s new for everyone. Keep honing your self-advocacy and communication skills until it becomes the new normal for you and your colleagues.
Self-advocacy success stories at work
I’ve worked with many clients who felt stuck at work and were consistently passed over for promotions. A couple clients stand out. One woman went from being a senior manager to a partner at her firm, by learning how to self-advocate effectively. Instead of just talking about her achievements, she presented concrete data, like increasing her department’s performance metrics. She was clear about what she wanted and pushed for feedback by asking, “What don’t you see in me?” Based on the feedback she got, she made changes and kept communicating her needs. As a partner at her firm, she continues to advocate for herself.
Another senior leader I worked with felt her voice was being diminished at her current job and she was thinking about leaving. I asked her, “What makes you believe your voice would be heard any better elsewhere?” She realized that running from the environment wouldn’t solve the real problem, which was related to her lack of self-advocacy and open communication with her boss. We shifted her perspective and she realized that, because she was open to leaving anyway, she was prepared to risk having a tough conversation with the CEO. It’s always easier to run than to advocate, but you’ll still need to advocate for yourself in the next place!
Why not start advocating for yourself today?
Self-advocacy is a crucial life skill and unfortunately many of us don’t learn how to do it (or why it’s important) until well into adulthood. If you’re feeling unheard, walked all over or invisible, it’s time to make a change. You’re the expert of YOU, so let’s put you back in the driver’s seat. You’re worth it!
If you’re ready to move from putting your own needs and desires on the backburner to possibility thinking and building a life of purpose and satisfaction, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for a meet-and-greet discovery call.
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Hi, I’m Vicki Bradley, an executive coach in Toronto and the Founder and CEO of Women in Leadership Empowered.
I work with women pursuing success in executive leadership roles and the presidents and CEOs who understand that strong businesses are built with strong, diverse leadership.
WIL Empowered is a group coaching program where we focus on all four aspects of leadership development through coaching, networking, peer to peer mentoring and developing soft skills. Our mission is to help women develop the skills, motivation and accountability required to succeed in their business and personal lives.
Take our five-minute leadership quiz to discover where your leadership skills are now and where you’d like them to be this time next year.
Join our free mini-course on how to use fear to propel versus paralyze and retrain your brain to reinforce good habits here.
To learn more about WIL Empowered, visit our website at WILempowered.com or reach out to Vicki@wilempowered.com for a discovery call.
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