Is the glass half-empty or half-full? For many of us, it’s half-empty. This is because of the human tendency to focus on weaknesses rather than strengths. We easily see the negatives, and gloss over the positives, especially about ourselves. This default approach of not recognizing our strengths can easily hamper us for decades—or even a lifetime—if we don’t put a stop to it. In this article, I want to focus on why it’s essential to stop the negative self-talk and how embracing your superpowers is a big part of that process.
What is negative self-talk and why is it so hard to avoid?
Negative self-talk is the insidious inner dialogue we engage in that undermines our self-worth and potential. I call it the gremlin—the voice in our heads that keeps us playing small. Most of us need to learn to reframe negative self-talk because it’s reinforced everywhere. Starting in childhood, societal pressures, personal experiences, and even well-meaning comments tell us it’s okay to be hard on ourselves. These negative thoughts affect our confidence and behaviour, and it takes years or decades for most of us—especially women—to realize what’s happening.
This negative self-talk—whether it’s a seemingly benign “I’m not good at that,” or the much worse, “I don’t deserve to be happy,”—boils down to one unhelpful thought: “I’m not enough.” I’m here to tell you that’s a lie. You ARE enough. And it’s time to shift your narrative and find and recognize your strengths, also known as your superpowers.
What is a superpower?
You don’t have to be bitten by a radioactive spider to have a superpower. We all have superpowers; they are our innate strengths. But so many times, they go unrecognized because they are natural and effortless for us. For example, I am a connector. I don’t know if I was born this way, or if I developed this skill as a by-product of moving 28 times in 58 years.
Finding your superpowers is a journey of self-discovery. You can get started by yourself by answering a few questions, such as:
- What am I good at?
- What do other people compliment me on?
- How do I help people in ways that seem like no big deal to me?
However, to take a deeper dive, it’s a great idea to use one or more assessment tools such as the Gallup Strengths Finder 2.0 or the VIA Inventory of Strengths (VIA-IS). (By the way, I can help you with a range of assessments, which are designed to empower you and support your growth and development.)
Learning about or verifying these strengths and superpowers is the beginning of the journey. The next step is acknowledging their existence and really believing in them—which makes it a lot easier to believe in yourself and quiet the negative self-talk.
It’s not enough to know about your superpowers. It’s essential to apply them in the right places and at the right times.
To put your superpowers to work, I recommend:
- Seeking roles that align with your strengths – If developing a sales strategy is a fun time for you, but details make your eyes gloss over, pursue a sales director role and find a great ‘bean-counter’ type to work out the finer points.
- Applying them consciously in daily interactions – Ask yourself how you can use your strengths in day-to-day situations. For example, if one of your strengths is harmony, how could you use that to make work meetings/school pick-ups/discussions over household chores better for everyone involved?
- Leveraging them to navigate challenges effectively – Life is hard in many ways, but not everything needs to be hard. When we double down on our superpowers where possible—including challenging situations—it frees up energy for other things.
- Making sure people know about them – Do people at work, at home or in your community, know about your desire to apply your superpowers? If not, why not?
- Getting support – Talk to a coach about how you can best apply your superpowers now and in the future. This can accelerate your journey from focusing on the negative to being open to possibilities, no matter the situation.
For many years, we believed the brain is formed and personality starts to take shape by the time we’re seven years old and that’s that. We believe you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But modern research and especially neuroscience discoveries have shown there’s a lot of plasticity to the brain. No matter our age, we can learn new things and we can change. Start using your superpowers now and build those neural pathways of possibility thinking. It’s never too late!
When our lives are aligned with our superpowers, we find life more satisfying and fulfilling. Putting our superpowers to work changes our internal dialogue. The gremlin’s voice starts using different words, shifting from questioning our abilities to inquiring about possibilities. The glass becomes half-full. The question is no longer, “What if I can’t?” It’s now, “What’s the best thing that could happen?” or “What might be the possibilities available to me?”
And when we’re not torturing ourselves with negative self-talk, guess what happens? Life is better. Relationships are more positive. Stress goes down and confidence goes up. Self-doubt is no longer in charge. It simply feels great to know that we can leverage our strengths to transform uncomfortable situations into opportunities for growth and contribution.
I urge you to think about how you perceive yourself and your abilities. If you’re troubled by negative thoughts, it’s time to make a change. You are enough and by embracing and applying your unique superpowers, you’ll start to believe it and lead a better, more fulfilling life.
If you’re ready to move from “not enough” to possibility thinking, unlock your true potential and design a life of purpose and satisfaction, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for a conversation and just maybe we will highlight some of your superpowers together.
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Hi, I’m Vicki Bradley, an executive coach in Toronto and the Founder and CEO of Women in Leadership Empowered.
I work with women pursuing success in leadership roles and the presidents and CEOs who understand that strong businesses are built with strong, diverse leadership.
WIL Empowered is a group coaching program where we focus on all four aspects of leadership development through coaching, networking, peer to peer mentoring and developing power skills. Our mission is to help women develop the skills, motivation and accountability required to succeed in their business and personal lives.
Take our five-minute leadership quiz to discover where your leadership skills are now and where you’d like them to be this time next year.
To learn more about WIL Empowered, visit our website at WILempowered.com or reach out to Vicki@wilempowered.com for a discovery call.
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